Recently one of the kids I work with awakened something inside me... awakened, shed the light on and exposed it.

I just started working with this kid. Matter of fact I've only been with him one-on-one on two occasions. Prior to our meeting I'd heard of his refusal to cooperate in the program. I'd heard of his verbal attacks toward members of my team. The first time I saw he refused to participate in the meeting that was taking place. As the team (which included his mother) met and discussed his needs, in his living room, he sat with his back to the group listening to music on the internet. Despite his seeming defiance it was obvious he was listening- like when his mother began to talk of one of his siblings behavior in the home he wasted no time to contribute. I thought it was funny... i thought it was cute.

It's my job to bond with the child and get to know him so that I can support him. Sitting on the living room couch (which was really his older siblings futon bed) I watched him and listened to the music he played. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony and Tupac stod out. I was impressed that a 15 year-old kid was listening to the same music I listened to at his age. After I heard that it was a wrap. I knew I had him. I was ready for the challenge. For a sec I had to check myself and remind myself that this was more than a game. What I began to realize is how much of the beginning "hunt" I enjoy. I love reading or hearing negative reports about a child and then getting to know them on my own terms and learning to define them in my own terms.

After the end of the meeting I walked up to the computer, slapped palms, gripped fingers and told the boy he had good taste in music. And then I asked him if I could pick him up from school to meet one on one, and the same kid who refused the same request from in my position, and refused to participate in the meeting that had just ended, agreed. I thought to myself, "gotcha." During our first meeting in the middle of a conversation about music the kid poured his heart out. I couldn't believe it. It was too easy. I continue to remind myself that we're still in the honeymoon period and he's just on his best behavior. During our second visit he opened up even more. So much, it caught me off guard. In a way, the tables had turned. Last week I'd been on the hunt and now he was on the hunt. What threw me off was how fast and how intense he opened up. I realized that he was probably watching me just as intently as I was watching him during that meeting. I realized how much he needed me... not even so much me. He needed a male figure in his life. His father was absent and from what he's told me his relationship with his ex step-father wasn't the best. I reached out and he grabbed on so tight it scared me.

When I thought about it, all of the boys I work with had this desire... a desire for a male figure. The revelation scared me because all of a sudden I felt this responsibility and I wasn't sure if I wanted it. For the most part I feel just as clueless. When I first started my job there was a priest (or a pasture-something like that). He was this big samoan dude. We had a couple deep conversations and right away I felt attracted to this man. I looked up to him. I was excited to be working with him because I was excited at what I would learn from him. I saw it was an opportunity to form a bond with an older man-an elder. And he left. I worked with him all of a month and I was sad at his leaving.

What my point is... I don't know. I do know that I have a new appreciation for the importance of the father. As a father myself I've always been sensitive to the way our society downplays the role of the father. As a father who grew up without his own father, you'd think I have a thorough appreciation for the important role a father plays in his child's life-especially his son, i think- but seeing the void that exist within the boys I work with just magnifies the importance. I now see just how important a step-father is. Even if a child's biological father is in picture, the step-father still plays an important role. He is a role model by default. I used to wonder how I'd respond if my son's mother ever re-married. How would I respond to another man seeing my son more than me. I'd hope I'd be able to put my ego aside and try to form a bond with the man for the benefit of my son because whether or like it or not the man will have some sort of influence on my son.